2. When flying HLG remember that the best thermals are always just beyond the range of whatever it is that you are flying.
3a. Planes should be lightened to the point where they will thermal on the lightest lift. Remember, however that the wind velocity will always increase in inverse proportion to the wing loading of the plane you are currently flying. So use ballast whenever the wind blows.
3b. The wind will always abate DURING the launch of a properly-ballasted sailplane.
4. The thermal pole will point out developing lift to all other flyers. As soon as you enter this lift, it will turn to down air.
5. No one else in the universe has ever managed to fold/bend/break one of those planes (the one you just folded/bent/broke ) before.
6. Your winch is never as strong as your neighbor's.
7. If your winch IS as strong as your neighbor's, you will soon discover that your wings are not.
8. The day after you buy a whiz-bang-thermaller 2.87V (which has won the last 33 club contests) the club champion will announce that it's now completely obsolete.
8a. The same thing goes for your new radio.
9. You will never pop-off until you are winning a contest where pop-offs are not allowed. If one pop-off is allowed, you will pop-off three times.
10. Your modification will never fail until the flight just after you proudly point out what a fine design change it is.
10a. The more spectators present, the higher the chance.
11. If it's calm at your house - then it's windy at the field (at least when you get there).
11a. If it's far too windy to fly at your house, then not only is it calm at the field, but every other member of your club is there enjoying the best lift of the year. You'll hear about this tomorrow .
11b. If it's far too windy to fly at your house, and you drive to the field anyway, you will have to suffer through the thermal fables of your buddies (see 11a) as they pack up 'cause the wind sure picked up fast!
11c. If you're going to slope fly, then reverse 11.
12. The wind direction will never change while the winch line is strung out. It will not change while you prepare your ship for launch. It will change when you place the ring on your towhook.
12a. This is twice as likely to happen if you are using a retriever.
12b. This is three times as likely to happen if there are spectators present.
12c. This is four times as likely to happen if you are related to the spectators.
13. When the wind shifts so as to make a downwind launch necessary, it always intensifies.
14. If you take a day off when weather forcasters predict perfect conditions, it will be cold, cloudy and windy. If you don't, they will be right.
15. You will never experience winch problems until your best buddy discovers the thermal of the century. Winch repairs will continue until all signs of rising air have evaporated.
16. When adjusting the center-of-gravity, always remove lead in small amounts. You will know the correct location when the plane becomes so unstable as to crash on launch. Be sure to add a small amount of noseweight to prevent this from happening in the future. Fortunately, the weight of the necessary repairs will often provide just the right amount.
17. A similar procedure should be followed for adjusting the towhook location; however be sure to mark the present towhook location before completing repairs on the damaged fuselage so as to be able to duplicate it exactly.
18. If you build a plane for yourself, and one for your buddy, your buddys' plane will fly better.
19. If you reinforce the wing spars, the joiner rod will fail.
20. If you reinforce the spars and the joiner, a mysterious wing flutter will surely result.
21. The fastest, farthest ranging, sleekest, bestest planes are the hardest to see. You will discover this during a maiden flight just before your next appointment at the optometrist.
22. The length of the landing tape is directly proportional to the distance away your plane is at any given time.
23. If you make a perfect landing at the exact end of the tape, it will be the wrong end.
24. If you overshoot a runway landing, your frustration will be inversely proportional to the distance of the overshoot.
25. In a major contest, you will always draw a winch whose power varies inversely with the square of your ships' wing loading. If your sailplane has a high wing loading, it won't have the power to pull a marshmallow from the mouth of an infant. However, you will get a stump-puller if you're flying a Gentle Lady.
26. If you're flying a Gentle Lady in a major contest, and have the foresight to use bagged CF wings for killer winches, the rubber bands will snap as you initiate the zoom (this actually happened!).
27. The people who can't land will complain until the rules are changed. Then they usually discover that they can't fly very well either.
28. It is only after you have changed every setting possible on your computer radio transmitter that you will discover that the reason the plane does not respond is that you forgot to put the frequency module in.
28a. If the frequency module is installed - it's the wrong frequency.
28b. If it's the right frequency, it's the wrong modulation (PPM/PCM).
29. You will not see that the poly break plywood reinforcement piece for your new built-up wing was inadvertently left out on the workbench until after the wing is covered.
30. The main difference between power flying and sailplanes is that if you fly power, you stick your hand in the propeller. If you fly sailplanes it goes in the winch.
31. Anything you replace because of wear (servos,clevises...) will immediately fail. This goes double for winch line.
32. If you buy the smallest, lightest, most expensive micro-servos made, your best buddy will call you the day after they are installed to tell you about the new ones he bought that weigh and cost half as much.
33. Most crash-causing interference is of the variety that affects the synapses in the neural junctions that connect the logic circuit to the decision making part of the brain.
34. You always discover the damaged caused by a hard landing during the crash phase of the following flight.
35. If you use an open towhook, it will often come loose from the line prematurely. The solution is to use a releasable towhook which will stay on the line - even when you don't want it to. A side benefit is that subsequent repair work may allow you to remove environmentally hazardous lead waste.
36. Birds have been known to lie without making a sound. This behavior is usually reserved for special occasions such as soaring contests.
37. If you are the first to launch during a man-on-man contest, the headwind will die just as you launch, and increase after you come off the line. If you launch last, a mysterious downwind situation will unfold just as your plane is released.
38. Lift always is abundant when your batteries are dead. It subsides about the time they are fully charged.
39. Contest conditions are never the same as practice conditions.